Like most mornings, when I woke up today Nanay was already up.  She had taken a bath and was seated in her wheelchair, ready to go out.  I was carrying Evie and my pretty baby never fails to bring a smile to her face.  She patted the throw pillow on her lap, a gesture which meant that she wanted me to let Evie sit on it.  I did that and told her that she must be itching to carry Evie.  Oops! I said the wrong thing because Nanay started crying. So sorry!

But even if she still cries a lot – she cried last night also because my sister sent her a touching text message – I am still thankful that Nanay is alive and that she is reacting to the things around her.  Obviously, her mind has not been damaged by the stroke because she can still understand the text messages we read to her.  She even cried with Roger Federer when he cried after he won the Australian Open!  After seeing her just sleeping and not reacting to anything while in the hospital, it is certainly a relief to hear her cry.

The other day she was standing and taking a few steps, with Tatay helping her.  Her physical therapist is also asking me to look for a walker for her.  I’ve been asking friends from BLD to help me find a walker I could borrow for Nanay.  Her PT saidwe don’t really need to buy one because she might not use it for long.  I hope she can really walk soon.  I know it will really mean a great deal to her, to be able to walk unaided, especially since Nanay was always up and about before her stroke.  I know we have to take things one at a time.  Healing takes time and a lot of patience, something I don’t have in me! And I’m so like my mom, so she’s not exactly an epitome of patience herself.

I’ve been helping her with her speech therapy.  Because there is only one speech therapist in Bacolod  and she has a lot of clients, she gave a home program for Nanay.  I feel guilty that I haven’t been helping her as often as I should.  One evening I was helping her read some words aloud, which I wrote on pieces of cardboard.  But that was the night I just got back from Iloilo and Enzo was all over me.  He kept on pulling the cards from my hand and he wanted me to play with him.  Eventually, Nanay started yawning and was already getting drowsy and I had to stop.  I couldn’t concentrate anyway, because I had to stop every now and then to pick up the cards which Enzo kept on throwing.  He was already seated on Nanay’s bed and being very kulit!  My sister asked me today if Nanay has been practicing her speech and I felt guilty all over again.

Okay, resolution for the day, I will spend some time every night, helping Nanay regain her speech.  It’s just so difficult sometimes because I’m trying to teach Nanay how to say very simple words like “say, ” “pay,” “day,” and I can’t help but think that my mom was an English teacher and when I would pronounce some words incorrectly, she would always correct me.  She had the perfect diction.  A lot of emotions go through me as I help Nanay read aloud.  But mostly, I feel sad that Nanay cannot even say her own name.  If it’s difficult for me, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for her.

Oooh… this is turning out to be a sad post. I don’t want to be sad. Have to think of happy thoughts now.  Think Enzo and his crazy antics.  Think Evie and her cute smile.  There, I’m not so sad anymore. 🙂