I can’t believe I’m saying this: I don’t want to go home to Bacolod! I want to stay here in Iloilo, not because I like it here more than Bacolod, but because I just want to be with Dean everyday. Having spent most of the summer here with him, I really feel that we’re a family and I want my kids to see their dad everyday. I wish I could just pack up and leave Bacolod for good so that I could be with my hubby.

But, I know I just can’t leave behind my parents in Bacolod. I know I’m being selfish if I bring the kids here for good. Nanay will probably just deteriorate, not having the kids at home. And I know Tatay will most likely get sick if I take away his beloved little engineer Enzo from him. I feel sad about not being able to spend time with Dean each day because his assignment is here in Iloilo. I don’t know how long this arrangement of ours is going to last. I don’t see a transfer to Bacolod in his current job. He has to find a different job if we would insist that he move back to Bacolod.

A few years ago, when Dean and I were just starting our married life, Nanay told me that I shouldn’t move with him because he was assigned in Roxas at that time. She said his job called for him to transfer from one place to another and it would be difficult for me to do the same. She told me that I should stay put in Bacolod and we should just find a way for him to come home as often as he could. I know that there was wisdom in what my mother told me, and much as I would want to be with Dean everyday, I know that Nanay was, and is still is, right. With two kids in tow, it would be much harder for us to keep on moving every time he gets a new assignment.

I think another reason why I really want to stay with Dean (wherever that is) is because with him around I don’t have to be the sole decision maker. I have a shock absorber, I have a ready helpmate in everything. When I get back to Bacolod, I will have to face my realities again – that my mom is still sick, that I have two kids to rear, that I have a household to manage, and that I have a career to build.  And all of these I will have to manage all at the same time.

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