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Today is Good Friday.  Today we see the best example of how much it hurts to love.  The love that Christ has for us is not the kind of love that we see on television or read about in cheesy novels.

Christ’s love is sacrificial love, a love that gives without expecting anything in return, a love that accepts the beloved’s faults and yet continues to love just the same.

As Christians, we are commanded to love one another as Christ has loved us.  This is not the kind of love that media popularizes – love that is based on feeling and physical attraction.

It’s not easy to love the way Christ has loved us.  I know.  I’ve loved and I’ve been hurt, especially by the people I love the most.  It hurts to give so much of myself, and yet my love and giving is not appreciated so much.  I sometimes want to cry out and say “Enough!  I don’t want to give of myself anymore!  It hurts to love and not be loved back as much as I do!”

But as I reflect on Jesus’ Passion and Death this Good Friday, I realize that I have not loved Him enough if I complain about giving of myself.  If I truly love as Christ does, then I should be ready to get hurt.  If I truly love others the way Jesus Christ loves me, then I cannot love enough.  If it doesn’t hurt, it’s not real love.




I find myself writing again, after a long time of being silent.  I need an outlet and what better way to release all my pent up emotions than to write?  I have this blog after all, and it is just here, gathering dust.  Nobody probably reads it anymore.  I am not as prolific as I used to be, thanks to my heavy workload.  Nonetheless, writing is cathartic, and so I blog.


It hurts to be physically separated from the one I love.  I long to feel his arms around me, to have him hug me tight, and tell me sweet nothings.

I know that this separation is not going to last long, that soon, we will be together.  For now, I must endure.  I must feel the pain of not having him beside me.

I know that this is for our good, that I supported his career move because in the end, it will bring us closer to our dreams.  But for now, I must be patient.  I have to go about my daily activities, carrying them out as if I feel just bright and breezy.  I can’t be sulky and moody all the time because I have to think about my kids and about him, too.

I know that he, too, is feeling the pain of our separation.  Yet, I must be strong for him.  I must put on a brave face and tell him that things will be okay.  That we will have our chance to be together soon.

For now, we bear our burdens and wait.

Hubby and I fought early this morning.  Don’t ask me about what.  It was really over something petty.  I sent him a text message, to which he didn’t reply, and I ended up calling him.  I wanted to settle the issue over the phone but he just wouldn’t talk about it.  Don’t you just hate it when men don’t want to talk about a fight?  I just wanted him to tell me what he really feels and why he said the things he said.  I guess I’m asking for too much.  Now, I’m feeling bad, I can’t concentrate on my work, and I’ve turned off my phone.  I know this is silly.  I’m not even sure if he’s calling me or texting me.  Basta, I just feel like sulking. 

In some ways, Dean and I are so alike.  We both think we’re always right and we’re too stubborn to admit our mistakes.  I was trying to point out to him that he was at fault and he was insisting that he had done nothing wrong.  In the end, we resolved nothing.  And to think that the spat happened just after we said our morning prayers!  Aaarrrrgggghhh!! Truly, the devil does not rest. 

I don’t know how this day will end.  We’re supposed to meet for lunch and go to Mass because it’s Ash Wednesday.  I still feel bad and I want him to feel bad, too.  I want to keep on sulking and not turn on my phone.  Someone’s gotta give.  I don’t want it to be me.  But at the same time, I know I will have to reach out to him again.  I will have to understand and make compromises – much as I hate it.  You can’t stay mad forever at someone who shares your bed. 

No, this is not a post-Valentine post.  I am not going to write a ten-reasons-why-I-love-my-hubby post.  There’s nothing much to write about my V-day, anyway.  We don’t usually go out because we don’t want to join the hordes of lovers going out on that day (and having to endure bad service, exorbitant prices, waiting for a decent table, and getting stressed out in the process).  Instead, we went about our usual activities as if it were any ordinary day. 

Okay, so here’s why I love my hubby…

Yesterday, I saw this really cute Nike trainers at Park in Robinson’s.  I fell in love at first sight!  I’m not really the sporty type, but when the health and fitness bug bit me, I’ve been on the lookout for cute workout gear.  When I saw this pair, I couldn’t help myself.  I just had to try it on and it fit perfectly!

When Hubby saw me pining – and salivating – for it, he popped the question: “Gusto mo?”  I couldn’t help the huge grin that came to my face 😀  I just said, “Yes, I like it a lot! But it’s too expensive for me.”  Then he said, “I will buy it for you.” 

My sensible and practical side was telling me, “that’s TOO expensive, and you just bought a pair of shoes last month.”  On the other hand, my impulsive and extravagant side argued, “He wants to buy it for you.  You don’t have money, but HE does.” Hehe… and so the impulsive and extravagant side of me won. 

I told Hubby, “Will you really buy this for me?”  (said with pa-tweetums voice and pa-cute smile).  I was ecstatic when he said YES.

Mwah!  Thank you, Langga!  I love you for indulging me and for knowing how to make me happy and for making me feel loved and special.

And so I’m now the proud owner of these cute trainers.  (Sorry no photo, can’t upload from phone to PC – something wrong with the PC, I guess.)

I can’t wait to hit the gym! 🙂

Hubby is going to Manila for their national sales conference.  For 5 days. 😦 By now I should be used to his leaving for a few days or a week, but I still feel sad everytime he leaves.  Lately, I’ve become so dependent on Dean, especially after what we went through last year (Nanay’s stroke and all).  For me, he is just a pillar of strength and whenever I feel down or depressed, I can count on him for support.  Maybe I am still feeling the effect of the hormonal imbalance I experienced after giving birth.  I have been so emotional these past few days that I’m starting to think I’m becoming looney.

Ok, so I have five days without the hubby. I have to get used to this, knowing that my husband is in sales and this is all part of the job.  I just can’t help feeling sad. Or maybe I’m just a tad bit jealous because I would love for a change of scenery and go somewhere else.  Hehe. Hisa-on!

It’s my hubby’s bday today! Unlike his other birthdays which we would celebrate by having his and my friends over for a night of beer and conversation, this year’s bday would be spent at home, with the kids.  We really are growing old!  We just plan on hearing mass early this morning and he said he wants to go biking after that.  He’s taking a birthday leave and I will do the same. But mine is going to be a sick leave. Hehe… Now, what will I be sick of?  In the evening, I plan to cook him a meal. I found this recipe in Food Magazine (Roast Chicken with Mango-Kiwi Salsa).  The picture looks so yummy and the recipe seems easy.  I hope I can manage to pull it off.  🙂

Anyway, here are my wishes for Dean, on his bday:

1.  That he gets the promotion he’s been waiting for.  I know he deserves it after all the hard work he’s done the past year.

2.  That he lose more weight (and keep it off!), and that he won’t have to hold his breath to see that six-pack he’s been dreaming of the past year. Hehe.  Go, ga!

3.  That he’ll have enough strength to bike to wherever he wants to bike. 

4.  That he’ll have the will to quit smoking. 

5.  That he’ll always be a good example to Enzo and Evie.

Happy Birthday, Langga.  Love you gid.  Balot. 🙂