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When I tell my friends who are not in academe that I am still studying, they look at me and think I’m crazy.  They would always tell me, “I’m done with studying.  I promised myself after I got my college degree that I wouldn’t study ever again.”  And then they ask me why I give myself such a hard time.

Sometimes I do wonder why I keep on pushing myself to achieve more and reach for a Ph.D.  Do I still need to prove what I can really do?  Am I not contented with what I have achieved?  Is it really about the recognition or is it about self-fulfillment?

Honestly, I think it’s both.  I do this because it is something I want to do.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  I also want the recognition and the respect that comes with adding three letters after my name.  But most of all, I want to learn more and be better at my field.  I want to be more confident with what I profess.  I want to teach again and mentor young people.

There are times when I really feel like giving up.  Today is one of those times.  I am at my wit’s end, trying to finish a paper, but I’m not even half way through.  I know I should be writing my paper, not blogging.  But right now, I’m stuck with my writing.  Maybe blogging would help. 🙂

I guess I need to think again about the reasons why I am doing this – working my butt off on a weekend to get a paper done.

I do this because I love to learn and I can’t imagine myself not learning and improving.

I do this for myself and no one else.

I do this because I want to.

I do this because I know I can.